February 2, 2010

Great Expectations

I'm always amused by the grand sounding names of the kids at L's Kindergarten.

The boys in particular have a lot to live up to:


The girls seem destined for somewhat less greatness:

Laura - well, OK, that's a pretty hot name

Solipsist, I don NOT have Teutonic hair!

I think I'd like to write for a magazine like OK, where the truth doesn't matter, only the facial expression, and not even that matters much. Yesterday I splurged and bought three magazines for gym. All three had Brad and Agelina on the cover.

The headlines:

OK - 'Brad & Angelina: What Will Happen to the Children?'
In -'Only Hate Remains! How Angelina Now Makes Brad's Life Hell.'
Gala - 'The Love Vow - No Chance of a Separation!'

There was also an article about Angie's Russian lover, complete with a picture of Angie looking sneaky, a cheesy hotel, a whip, a bottle of vodka and a jar of Beluga Caviar.

I could totally do that. Let's say I have a picture of Angelina in a sushi restaurant: I could spin up a whole story about her Norwegian lover and how he likes to rub raw fish all over her body before they run naked in the snow.

Or a picture of Shiloh eating a cookie: I could write about what terrible parents Brad and Angie are because they only let their kids eat junk food.

Or a picture with Brad's mouth open (or closed, for that matter): I can see the headline now, 'Brad Tells Angelina: 'I Can't Take It Any More!'

Or a picture of Brad's beard: 'Brad will keep his (horrible) beard (that looks like creeping moss) until every orphan on Earth has a loving home.'

Or a picure of Angelina's tatoo: 'AIDS scare!' (Did you know she had an AIDS scare when she got it because she had done it in a dive shop when totally wasted and that the symbols actually spell the names of her ex-lovers?)

Piece of cake, just give me a picture, I'll give you a story.


  1. What's most interesting about those names is how Roman Catholic they mostly are. I'd say that was a function of being in Bavaria, but my nephew has one of those names. After a Pope, of course. In fact, I only see one of those names as not Roman Catholic- would you agree?

  2. Can you tell that I am sitting home with a child with conjunctivitis? I think I may be getting it too:(.

  3. Er. . . I could not tell that. Don't touch your eyes, it sometimes goes away on its own if it doesn't really take hold.

  4. Laughing over here.... Amazing how the truth doesn't matter when you can put a spin on things! ;-9

  5. They are BIG names for little people which I hope they can grow into! I find the 'weird' names people call their kids facinating.

  6. Kids names around here have gotten to be too long to be recognised, let alone remember.

    Now for surnames, there'll be no other Pit-Jolies!

  7. If you keep posting, I will keep commenting:). Because I am trapped with a squirmy child who can't go out. But she does like to do puzzles by herself!

  8. thank you. brad pitt's awful goatee slash beard is totally old man in a beat up pick up creepy

    i don't care WHAT your face looks like - no one call pull that off

  9. You could definitely work for National Enquirer.

  10. Korbinian? We think that was an alien race on the old "Star Trek."

  11. You are hired! Oh wait, I don't own a trashy magazine. That's too bad.

  12. I would much rather read your stories than some of that...er....stuff in those magazines.

    I think "Elle" is a great name. ;-)

  13. Saint Corbinian (c. 670 - September 8, c. 730) was a Frankish bishop. His feast day is September 8. The commemoration of the translation of his relics is November 20.
    These Germans and their K's:).

  14. You should freelance with trashy mags. Somebody has to do it.

  15. Your Brad Pitt orphanage beard line is cracking me up.

  16. I it would be fun to read as one of your posts. Compile pics and ad your own. It could be a terrific game. or you could provide pics and commentors can provide the stories.

  17. I'm pretty sure my priest goes through that litany of names at every mass. Are all of those kids already saints?

  18. Oh this was so great. Bet the National Enquirer will be calling you any day to go to work for them! Loved it!

  19. Need a photographer? I'm your gal...always wanted to photograph Brad Pitt (with or without the beard, ;-)

  20. Oh, yes, let's team up and blow National Enquirer away! We're gonna be so money, baby!!!

  21. Ooo you would be good! That was pretty funny ! I always love your spin on things!

    I always love looking throung class lists too! I think the weirdest one in my daughter's class this year is Canyon. I actually find myself just saying it sometimes & wondering why they thought it was a good name...hope it is not your hubbys :)

  22. Although I DO have a son named Rocco....like I should talk :)

  23. She lets him rub fish all over her body? Really?!

    See. I totally bought that one.


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