Yesterday my English playgroup met at the park instead of the stuffy room with no air conditioning in the community center where we usually meet.
It was a gorgeous day with fluffy white clouds and the lightest breeze.
The paltry supply of water and snacks I brought were quickly gone so we cadged from the better prepared mommies.
Since there was no bathroom L (who is three and a half) whizzed happily in the bushes.
Soon after she announced she that she had a caca. Now, I'm just fine with my kids peeing all over town like cats, it's natural, but I draw the line at leaving a big turd in the bushes for someone else to step in. I'm classy that way.
With bulging eyes L gave me to understand that if I didn't cough up a toilet she would be forced to take matters into her own hands. Or pants, as it were.
You don't need to tell me stuff like that twice. I was up like a shot and running toward the bushes with her. In a moment of dazzling inspiration I caught up a plastic bag mid-run with a still unformed plan churning in my head. Once we were somewhat hidden by the bushes, I spread out the plastic bag and professionally positioned her tushy over it. Happily, neither of my children has ever heard of shy kidneys and the deed was done in less than a minute.
Emerging from the bushes I threw away the bag and made a victory sign at the other moms, who clapped politely.
Re-joining them on the picnic blankets I remarked modestly, 'Well, that could have been worse.'
'Oh, totally,' said one of the other moms with feeling, looking off into the distance like you do when you're remembering something disturbing, 'she could have had diarrhea.' She shuddered slightly then shook it off.
'Or she could have been constipated,' offered another mom, nodding wisely. 'Kills your back.'
'Or she could have missed the bag!' excaimed the third mom, a leeetle over-enthusistically I thought. 'That really sucks because you have to pick it up like they do with dogs. Or it gets all over the bag. Believe me, you don't want that.'
Apparently poop in a bag is old hat.
I guess shit happens.