June 19, 2009

Torpedoes away!

Warning: This post is about poop! If you don't like poop, move along.
Yesterday my English playgroup met at the park instead of the stuffy room with no air conditioning in the community center where we usually meet.
It was a gorgeous day with fluffy white clouds and the lightest breeze.
The paltry supply of water and snacks I brought were quickly gone so we cadged from the better prepared mommies.
Since there was no bathroom L (who is three and a half) whizzed happily in the bushes.
Soon after she announced she that she had a caca. Now, I'm just fine with my kids peeing all over town like cats, it's natural, but I draw the line at leaving a big turd in the bushes for someone else to step in. I'm classy that way.
With bulging eyes L gave me to understand that if I didn't cough up a toilet she would be forced to take matters into her own hands. Or pants, as it were.
You don't need to tell me stuff like that twice. I was up like a shot and running toward the bushes with her. In a moment of dazzling inspiration I caught up a plastic bag mid-run with a still unformed plan churning in my head. Once we were somewhat hidden by the bushes, I spread out the plastic bag and professionally positioned her tushy over it. Happily, neither of my children has ever heard of shy kidneys and the deed was done in less than a minute.
Emerging from the bushes I threw away the bag and made a victory sign at the other moms, who clapped politely.
Re-joining them on the picnic blankets I remarked modestly, 'Well, that could have been worse.'
'Oh, totally,' said one of the other moms with feeling, looking off into the distance like you do when you're remembering something disturbing, 'she could have had diarrhea.' She shuddered slightly then shook it off.
'Or she could have been constipated,' offered another mom, nodding wisely. 'Kills your back.'
'Or she could have missed the bag!' excaimed the third mom, a leeetle over-enthusistically I thought. 'That really sucks because you have to pick it up like they do with dogs. Or it gets all over the bag. Believe me, you don't want that.'
Apparently poop in a bag is old hat.
I guess shit happens.

12 comments:

  1. Aggh. The German actually takes a potty with him to the playground. He leaves the house loaded as if he is going for a week. I depend on the kindness of reastaurants myself.

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  2. nice! I don't mind having my kids pee in the bushes, but also draw the line at the big business... good solution!

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  3. What a hassle!! A park without a toilet. You did the best that you could. Glad the other mommies did not judge you.

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  4. I feel like a total rookie mom now because I've never had to do this with my kids?! My husband is another story...(and now I'm "looking off into the distance like you do when you're remembering something disturbing")

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  5. Wow. I am slightly traumatized.

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  6. Hey, who doesn't like a good poop story?

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  7. I'm all about poop! Also, I always have doggie bags in my packet for moments like this...

    It's happened to the best of us...

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  8. I loved this post! Good for you for acting so quickly and cleverly. I was pleasantly surprised with the fact that other moms made no bad comments too.

    Shit DOES happen. Even when you are at a completely non-organised beach (no toilets) with lots and lots of people around you! ("looking off into the distance like you do when you're remembering something disturbing" here as well)

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  9. Nice going. You're certainly industrious!

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  10. You know, I enjoyed this post more before reading the "what ifs". The thought of the upset stomach dump into a bag quite possibly with holes is haunting. A nice solid loaf deposited squarely in a bag sounds ideal.

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