I belong to an exclusive sports club. Actually, not that exclusive since they'll let anyone in who is willing to pay their exorbitant monthly fee, but it's where Boris Becker sometimes plays tennis.
They offer a friendly staff, child care, horses, an upscale restaurant, state-of-the-art machines and all sorts of classes. Plus the odd Boris Becker sighting.
It's my one luxury.
My favorite classes are Fighting Fit, which involves lots of kicking and punching to music, and Monday yoga. I've taken a fair number of yoga classes by now and I can tell you that Caroline, the instuctor at my gym, is unusually good. She pushes you just the right amount, does a good balance between stretching and muscle work and speaks in a well-modulated Kathleen Turner voice that every famale yoga instructor should be required to have.
The only false note is the Iron Man class next door. As we yogis slowly and serenely greet the sun, focusing on our breath, we can hear Iron Man screaming, 'EEEEIIIINSSSS!!! ZWEIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! DREIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! VIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!'
Iron Man is a little soft spoken guy but he really gets excited during his class, which is hugely popular with extremely fit women who like being yelled at.
The most jarring part is at the end when we do our relaxation. We lie on the floor exhausted and sweating while the harp music plays and Caroline softly takes us through several mediation phases. . .
Caroline: Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Iron Man: WAKE UP, LADIES, NO FALLING ASLEEP!!!'
Caroline: Feel the sensation of relaxation traveling up your bodies, starting with your toes.
Iron Man: DON'T RELAX! WORK HARDER! GIVE ME MORE! YESSSSS!
Caroline: Feel the stress leaving your body through your fingertips...
Iron Man: WORK IT! MORE! MORE! MORE!
Caroline: Feel how you are one with everything. Feel the entire universe around you. Don't focus on anything. Let yourself go.
Iron Man: FOCUS!!! THERE'S NOTHING BUT YOU AND THE MAT.
Contradictions and conflicting directions. Part of life, I guess.