October 7, 2009

The world's worst lovers

I discovered today at the Huffington Post that German men are the world's worst lovers because they smell.

Like what, soap? All the German men I know are neurotically clean. Because German women will chase them around with disinfectant if they're not.

According to this survey, most of my boyfriends have been the world's worst lovers. Alas.

Don't get the wrong idea, I haven't been working the 'world's worst lover' list or anything. For one thing, every time I get near a Swedish guy a little voice in my head starts chanting, 'My name is Jan Janssen, I live in Wisconsin,' and I start giggling like a loon.

But what's a girl to do? I'm taller than most of the Spanish, French and Italian men I know. I remember hitting a night club in Paris when I was young and fetchingly annorexic. I was immediately surrounded by tiny little smoking men waving their cigarettes around as they paid me extravagent compliments.

It was fun (and surreal) but it just didn't do it for me, you know?

Incidentally, where the heck are the Israelis on this list? Have you ever watched a troop of Israeli soliders march by on the news? Hello! And Israeli men are so extravagently and sincerely offensive in casual conversation it makes my toes tingle. In a good way.

Maybe Israeli women have too much class to participate in this lame survey.


  1. I have no idea if German men are the worst lovers, my husband won't let me get one!! As far as smelling I say the French stink hands down.

  2. We'd like to put in a totally self-interested plug for neurotic Jewish American men.

  3. I bet if German men smelt like sauerkraut it would totally turn those statistics around.

  4. I will ask my German coworker about this. She LOVES to talk about her sex life. It's great.

  5. I love your photos! And I've never heard German men smell.

  6. I'm surprised the Brits didn't top the list!

  7. Ah, yes, I had a British boyfriend, too. Naturally.

  8. "Because they smell?" Not really sure that equals? I can think of a lot of other qualities that define a crappy lover, right?

    Oh, heck yes on the Israelis.

    Look at you, Miss International Boyfriend Collection. ;)

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