January 11, 2009

On the bright side

Thing 1: A dad doing the weekly shopping with his kids. And not just that, they were all wearing ski suits, so he took them skiing first and dropped by the grocery store on the way home. I thought about asking if he was single but the answer was pretty obvious and he wasn’t nearly as cute as Ralf so I just grinned at them all. This is Germany so they hated that, except the youngest child who smiled back when his dad wasn’t looking then stuck out his tongue.

Thing 2: At the gym I discovered that Paris Hilton is looking for a new BFF. Seriously, people, I’m going to apply. She doesn’t need any of those skanky ho’s that want the job, she needs ME. I’m the ultimate second fiddle. In fact, I should probably have included that in my list of life skills (see previous post) because it’s a bit of a specialty with me. I am attractive enough to be seen in public without posing any threat to my BFF. I can babysit the icky little dog during photo shoots. I can converse with the ‘spare’ guy on a variety of topics while she snogs the cute one. I can distract her other BFFs by telling them how amazing they look while she hits on their boyfriends. I can run her website and make sure she gets money when people watch naked videos of her and charge people twice, so her financial future will be assured. Moreover, I will always be honest with her and tell her when the guy she’s dating is a hairy tattoo’d moron. And if she ever decides to finish high school I can make sure she’s Valedictorian.

Clearly, she needs me. I love being needed.


  1. Unfortunately, Paris already found a new BFF. The show aired here last month. In fact, I was watching Access Hollywood last night, and she and her new BFF were out on the town, shopping it up. Oh, I was so jealous!

  2. OH YOU CRACK ME UP! "Attractive enough to be seen in public without posing a threat..."

    That's going on my 'best line I've read this year' list. In fact that whole post is so awesome, I'm showing MM.

    Don't you love to hate Paris?

  3. Yeah but she won't last. Paris will one day realize how much she needs me and I'll be waiting.

  4. if not, you'll always have us.

  5. I've always thought that Britney needs me...

  6. You can have Paris. I'm thinking Johnny Depp needs a BFF...


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